It's funny how sometimes when I'm alone, be it in the restaurant, on the street or in the class, I tend to reflect on my life. Self-reflection, I would name it. When a certain song plays on the radio or stereo, I will stop what I'm doing, stare into the distance, start to contemplate the lyrics and ponder upon the similarity between my experiences and the words of the singer.
Sometimes, the advice or wise words from people close to me will also play in my mind like a tape recorder on 'repeat mode'. And that's when I realise there's a logic point or truth behind their advice. You see, sometimes people just give empty advice but sometimes, people walk into your life and advise you on something, something which you would easily brush it off like dust but then one day, that particular advice just rings in your head out of nowhere! I was too stubborn to accept it at one point but hindsight always serves as a good reminder to me that the advice from these people is too priceless that it would be my loss if I continue to be as ignorant as before.
As I'm self-reflecting, I begin to question myself over my choices and decisions. My fears and doubts. I dislike confrontations, really, but this is the time when I confront my actions. And I've come to a conclusion that what made me the person I am today isn't necessarily going to make but will prepare me for the person I will become tomorrow.
I tend to change according to the situations instead of attempting to change the situation itself. Perhaps it's because I'm not really a risk taker. So, do I define my circumstances or do I actually allow my circumstances to define me? There are two sides to view this matter and I guess the verdict is entirely depending on how I look at it without taking other's opinions into consideration. People may mock you, tear you down, judge you or even build you, if only you give them the power to do so. My father used to tell me this during my sophomore years when I complained to him about how much I dislike changes, "The environment won't adapt to you, you have to adapt to your environment." Thank you Dad, if it's not for you, I won't remember this profound statement of yours until today.
I am the kind of person who challenges things when they happen to obstruct me from achieving something which I know deep down my heart that I'm meant to achieve it someday. Die trying or not do it at all. Yes, not ALL things go as planned although sometimes, I've put my heart and soul into doing them. I'm telling this out of my own experiences and I believe none of you out there that hasn't gone through this inevitable phase where the journey of life seems to be the steepest of all. Three words; HANG IN THERE. You will be okay eventually. Just bear in mind that there's always something bigger than your problems, that is the world. There's no life manual that shows you how to solve every problem, you have to discover it yourself. How? By facing it. Accepting it. And then, you will find your way to walk this path which nobody can walk for you. Nobody but yourself. Period.
Interpersonal relationships are something which I still need to improve on. I tend to be exclusive to people who really matter in my life. Ain't sure if this is a good trait or otherwise because exclusive people tend to get hurt easily when the favour is not returned. That is LIFE. It can be quite unfair to think of it but who can we blame? Nobody. Not even yourself. It is normal to get attached to the people we love but we also have to keep in mind that attachment comes with its cost and if you're not ready to pay it, then you shall learn not to let attachment get into your way of living the life you deserve. Complaining will never earn the undivided attention nor the love of that person, so, you can go on and on bitching about this or throw tantrums but at the end of the day, this will never change the cold and harsh truth that attachment is the root of sufferings. How do I know that? I've learned it the hard way though.
Thankfully, I have a bunch of people who are like angels sent to me from the heaven. People who love me as much as I love them or probably even more than I do. When these people come into my life, WE are known as a FAMILY. Yeah, this word does sound simple , ordinary even, but it carries a deep meaning, its depth is beyond any other relationships that you've built thus far.
One may be alone but not feel lonely. But whenever I feel there's something vacant in me, I think of my family. Even though I lack their physical presence here, just the thought of them somehow manages to reenergise me in a way I never thought is possible. It's like I've gained this inner strength from them to overcome just about any adversity or curveball which life has thrown at me. There is nothing, literally NOTHING that can make me feel more blessed than having these personal guardian angels in my life. Just to name a few, they are the ones whom I proudly call as my GRANDMA, MOM, DAD, AUNTIE and SISTER.
Written by,
Kah Yoke
Copyright reserved.
19th August 2014.
